During this trial period

I'm going through one of the most difficult stages of my life these days. Since Mr.D. has decided not to move out of my house (I pay rent, bills and take care of the household), it's getting more and more worse for me to keep me positive and self-supportive. The psychological torturesome drama that he plays, is forcing my neurons not to recover, how much ever medications I take. Even yoga and my jogging schedules are not helping me to get over the difficulties. My doctor is unable to reduce my medicine dosage, irrespective of the counseling and the strength that he and my friends offer.

One of the most difficult stage here is, not getting proper help from my own family. Family people are scared that if I get divorce before finishing my PhD, they might have to support me, physically and financially. They assume that once I'm employed then my divorce is going to be my issue and I will manage without any support from them. I have developed emotions such as indifference, indignation, dejection towards my brother and my mother. There was a time when I was shameful about the treatment that I received from my them. Now I feel how cruel it was for them to treat me that way. I do not pity me, but I'm surprised with the question as to why I should go through all of these. Neither my childhood nor my marital life has been abuse free. Looking back I just can't believe that I have gone through all these negativities, which were enough for me even to end my live. 

Today, morning I talked to my brother. He says I'm torturing mother by shouting at her and telling her that she has forced me into the marriage. He says that mother might develop heart attack if I talk to her like that. He kept 'shouting' that I should never talk to her that way and says that she never forced me into this marriage. And he asked a question in between,

      "Are you the type of person who always obeyed Amma."

I asked, "Can you tell me an instance where I haven't obeyed her?" 

For that he said,

     "I can't recollect any instance when you obeyed her."

Now, tell me how do I respond to these proofless barbed allegations.These are exactly the situations that make me go numb. Yes, I'm numb. Speechless. Shameful. All at these, irresponsible and shameless counter arguments.

Again, sitting here on my desk aloof, I wish that I be able to overcome my state alone. I wish that I reach a state wherein I leave them numb, with my own family, my happiness, success and abundance!