My Little Pleasures (savoring experinces)

Based on this article from Psychology Today, I thought of writing my little happiness list:

1. Going to sleep on a clean, neatly made bed. Light colored bedspreads I love.
2. Having nice curtains and table spreads.
3. Coming home from work , to an organized and clutter free  home.
4. The end result of cleaning kitchen tops.
5. A properly organized wardrobe with useless items purged.
6. A nearly empty laundry basket.
7. Clutter free tables.
8. Organized, clean bookshelves and cupboards.
9. A clean desktop/laptop desktop. 
10. When I'm done with a software update (probably a bit procrastinated once).
11. A well stitched dress, and wearing it.
12. Wearing clean polished footwear.
13. Pedicured foot and nails.
14. Having Malappuram style chaya. The tea made with  less milk, less tea dust and appropriate amount of sugar.
15. Completion of daily news paper reading.
16. Having done a Sudoku.
17. The smell of books and libraries.
18. The scent that comes when earth first receives a shower (the technical name for this is Petrichor). 
19. The fresh cut-grass smell.
20. Workouts (walking, yoga or cardios), when I do them in continuously for atleast for a week.
21. Ticking off items from To-Do list.
22. Reading book on a cozy chair, with a tea.
23. Reading a book on my neat bed.
24. The look of a properly baked cake, by me.
25. Malappuram biriyani.
26. Looking at my balcony garden and see how my plants grow, and harvesting the spinach and ladies fingers.
27. When I'm done with a song on keyboard with notes and chords matching.
28. A vacation to water side.
29. The look of Kerala greenery.
30. The sight of rain through the windows. 
31. The sight of trees while it rains.
32. Watching a comedy filled movie.
33. To look at my baby when she sleeps. 
34. Listening to Maria, about her day in school. 
35. Seeing Maria's drawings and her enthusiasm to do the activity.
36. Having understood a hard theorem or a paper, which has been taking a while to get grab to.
37. Implementing and getting good results while programming.
38. Talking to a close friend, Jesu or Ashok.
39. Talking to Jerin, and listening to his witty brilliant remarks.
40. Finishing a poem, and the feel of purging the emotions through it.
41. Publishing a post here, this being a kinda my secret space.

Might be I will add in more as and when I remember them.

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And Oh God! How I forgot this one :
42. The talks, little and big ones,  that I have with Jesu.

And these too,
43. The cleverly witted talks of Jerin, my PhD labmate.
44. Chai with my all time compassinate friend Ashok.

The not so happy updates of mine

So many things have been happenings in my life in the past four months. First of all, let me start with the best that happened. Mr.D. has moved out of my life physically. Though I'm not yet legally separated from Mr.D., the incidents related have been surprising, scary and difficult. Journaling some below:

• Mr.D. has been calling Maria daily night, and talking to her. He has been practicing negative speech against me at the beginning. He did not share any of his whereabouts on his moving out. All of a sudden I was told that, he would move out in two days and in the fist week of Nov 2018, he moved out. Since he had plans to make me undergo stress of his absence, he neither arranged transport for Maria's school, nor any household help for me. After all, he wanted me to know that it's not possible for me to manage my life without him. He also decided not to share any of expenses that I will bear towards me and Maria. Since he was not used take our expenses from the beginning, I was neither surprised nor expected him to do so.
• I arranged a transport for Maria, and my state got more peaceful. Mother came and stayed with me for two months. Though, she started her normal tortures towards me, I was happy that Maria will be safe with her. But, Oh! She. The lady stopped talking to me and started to give more and more tortures. After three weeks she started her mantra of wanting to go back, for various falsified reasons. I tried my level best to make her stay longer, but she denied, booked tockets through her son, and went out with the help a neighbour of mine, to her homwtown.
• After Mother moved out, it was a bit of stress for me understand that, she had intended to hurt me at this stage of life. Doing Phd, going through divorce, and having to manage a daughter is indeed extremely difficult. Might be she felt that, by moving out she could get her own share of happiness to see me burn!
• In the month of December, Mr.D. felt an urgent urge to meet his daughter, and decided to take her to a nearby mall. I too went along, though it was a torture for me. I was scared that he would carry away Maria. He told Maria that he would buy for her, whatever she asked for. She was thrilled and asked for many things. Each time she asked something, I saw him getting upset with the price tag. He asked Maria to get permission from me to buy those items. He expected me to say NO, to her since the items were expensive. On the contrary, I said ok to her for all the items. The poor father of Maria, had to spend 30,000+ for the day. I watched him paying through credit card and felt happy. After all, he is buying her things first time in his life.
• I filed a notice to him, through my lawyer, asking for mutual divorce. He did not reply. 
• So, now I am filing for my divorce, by contest, in a few days.
• Maria has been informed of the same and said nothing back. The poor thing did not understand the seriousness.

And, I'm here fighting for my separation, all alone here!

Thinking About You

How much you have been in my thoughts?
Everyday! Every hour!!
And the sadest part is - nothing is deliberate!!!