My life as a scapegoat, directed by my mother and brother, has been extremely painful. 

All I learned was to vanish and numb out. Probably that's what made me a people pleaser and co-dependent.

Since the marriage was on the same platform as my childhood, initially when the ex-husband tried to prove me wrong for his cruelties, I grew more numb. 

Though I UNDERSTAND the patters of cruelties forced upon me, I'm still to REALISE it. I'm just learning my past now. I havn't yet developed sympathy for me even now let alone self love. The only support system that I have currently is the medical system. The doctors and physiologist and a handful of friends understands me.